"Hakuna Matata... what a wonderful phrase..."  And that was our theme song this week.  In case you don't speak Swahili (or you missed Timon and Pumbaa's wonderful rendition in 1994), it means "no worries."  As another cranio mom reflected in one of our prayer chain links - "Let go and let God."  I have no control over the fact that Grayson is back in the hospital.  I can't control how well his body responds to the medication, or even whether this will be the last time I have to write down which hands and feet were the last to have an IV so more can be put in.  I can only control how we deal with it, and let God do the rest.  I can make sure that Grayson smiles every single day.  I can coax a chuckle out of him after he's gone through a painful IV flush or I can hold him close and sing to him until he goes to sleep.  These are the things I can control.

A hospital is not a fun place for a baby.  It's not a fun place for anyone, really, unless you're me during the last phases of pregnancy (Hey, I got to lie in bed and watch movies, order grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate pudding from the cafeteria and send Josh on late-night excursions to the maternity pantry for free rice krispy treats).  I digress.  The hospital is not a fun place for a baby.  They're bored, they learn that nurses = something bad is about to happen, and you can't explain things to them.  I'd love to be able to say things like, "This is temporary, we'll be home soon."  or "Don't worry, that blood pressure cuff is just going to give your arm a hug."  But I can't. 

Thankfully, hospitals have playrooms!  New and exciting toys to distract and occupy little minds.  Grayson LOVED the trucks they had in the playroom.  We even got to take some trains back to the room to play with later.  We also did a ton of reading.  I find myself reciting "Chugga Chugga Choo Choo" and "Barnyard Dance" in my sleep.

My mom, who has been an absolute miracle from Arizona for the last five weeks, also came to visit us all day.  Grandmas are magic.  They know all the tricks and can play peek-a-boo with the best of them.  My mom also gets the Cinderella award for helping me with playtime, feedings, laundry, chores, you name it.  She's an amazing woman.

Speaking of support.  I saw two angels from work yesterday.  They brought me coffee and breakfast from my favorite bakery, which was the best thing I had tasted in two days!  A third coworker called and offered to bring me food from my favorite cheeseburger joint.  A local cranio mom also brought us dinner and extra links for our prayer chain.  I haven't really cried throughout this process, but those acts of kindness were enough to get me pretty choked up.  We are so blessed to have such wonderful people take us into their lives.  I told Josh we need to pay it forward big time!  I see some volunteer work in our future :) 

Well, all those prayers must have really worked because after two days in the hospital, we got the all-clear to go home.  Josh and I were a bit nervous at first.  We called Seattle Children's and spoke with the cranio team to make sure they were okay with him going off the IV meds.  I don't mean to discount the hospital staff in Spokane whatsoever - we had the BEST care there, and truly we had the nicest nurses who went out of their way to make sure Grayson was comfortable and happy.  It's just that Grayson is kind of a collaborative masterpiece.  We want the surgeons who gave him his wonderful new head to be the ones calling the shots.  Since we've been home, we've had a bit of trouble getting G-man to keep his medicine down, but Josh has been hiding it in yogurt and distracting him with puppet shows.  We have a few follow-up appointments to make sure the infection is truly on the way out, but so far so good.

I'll never lie to Grayson.  If he wants to know how he got his scar, I'll tell him all about cranio.  If he wants to know why he has his scar, I'll tell him because God made him especially for us.  He wanted him to grow up strong, compassionate, and good.  He gave us all a test of our strength and our love for each other.  He knew we would be helped along in our journey by our loved ones and the kindness of strangers, and that we would all come out okay at the end.  Of course, I can't tell Grayson the story quite like that.  I think I'll need a brave knight named G the Gallant, who rides his noble steed (Toby) into battle against a fire-breathing cranio dragon.  But I'm sure he'll get the message.

Apparently, Grayson had an 11-month old birthday wish.  He wanted to go see the place that he was born, and he wanted to glow like his favorite toy, Glowy the seahorse.  So today we celebrated by going to the hospital and having a CT scan... well actually about 3 CT scans because despite the Versed, Grayson was wiggling around like the crazy person he is.  I'll back up...

Grayson woke up a few times last night.  By this morning, part of his incision was red, swollen, and leaking fluid and blood.  No bueno.  We called the cranio team at Seattle Children's and the on-call plastic surgeon said we should take him to the hospital.  So, at 6am I took him to the local ER.  They had absolutely no idea what metopic craniosynostosis was, and it took about 5 pokes to find his vein (which truly made me miss our friends on Whale 6 at SCH) but the staff was really nice and worked with the doctors in Seattle to come up with a plan.  Seattle Children's also called me several times to ask about Grayson and work out a solution, which made me feel totally at ease.  The local ER immediately put Grayson on antibiotics through his IV.  Seattle Children's preferred to evaluate him themselves, but because of the 300 mile journey, they said we should have a CT and some bloodwork done before they made the decision for him to come.  During the CT, I had to wait in the radiology waiting room.  It was my first time without him in 4 hours, and despite the crazy morning I had trying to entertain an 11 month old in a tiny room with the same 3 toys... I missed him.  I took advantage of the situation, however, and drank two cups of coffee in 5 minutes, along with whatever I could find crammed in my diaper bag.  Wow.  Burned my tongue but totally worth it.  Grayson, however, wasn't able to have any food until they determined whether he needed surgery or not.  I was finally able to give him a bottle at 1pm when the doctor came in and said, "No road trip!"  Grayson showed his appreciation by filling up his diaper.  Thanks buddy.  I have to say though, he went 7 hours without a bottle or a nap and he did remarkably well.  I am SO proud of him.  He really is an awesome kid.

So, Grayson will stay at the hospital for one or two nights while they give him antibiotics and watch his incision.  He already looks better to me, so I'm hoping we will get discharged tomorrow.  Neurosurgery at Seattle Children's wants to see him on Monday.  Here we go again!  Either we drive through the snowy mountain pass, or we fly for another $300-$350 a ticket.  But I have to say, he's worth it :)

Josh came to the hospital after work so I just came home to shower, get new supplies, and eat something other than a stale bag of cinnamon bagel chips (what's worse than day old plane snacks?  day old plane snacks in the hospital chased with 2 very awful cups of radiology waiting room coffee).

I'm taking Grayson's prayer chain from Cranio Care Bears back to the hospital to hang on his crib.  Lots of love to everyone who has supported us through this journey!  There's a better day around the corner, I can just feel it.

Grayson had surgery 18 days ago, and is looking better every day!  We get mixed reactions when we go out in public.  Some people do a double-take and angrily size me up to see if I look like the abusive type.  Some gasp and say, "Oh, what happened to you?"  And yet others are automatically supportive.  An older woman unexpectedly looked me right in the eyes, squeezed my hand and said softly, "It's all going to be alright."  I got a little teary as she walked away.  A tough biker looking guy at a restaurant said Grayson looked like a tough boxer, and he hoped his surgery went well.

Today, Grayson and I flew to Seattle to have his first post-op appointment with the neurosurgeon and craniofacial plastic surgeon.  What. a. day.  Grayson started the day out at 2:30am with a fever of almost 102.  Sheesh.  I woke him up again at 4:00am to head to the airport.  I'll let you guess how that went.  So, needless to say, I was "that person" on the plane to Seattle.  Flights with mad babies go something like this - People without kids try not to look totally annoyed, but deep inside are thinking "oh please don't sit next to me" and "where are my headphones, someone please tell me I packed the headphones" And I used to be one of them!  Shame on me.  People with kids, however, often give you sympathetic smiles, make goofy faces at your baby to cheer him up, and even offer to re-pack your diaper bag for you when you land.  Yes please to all of that.  Grayson was so tired after screaming (and I do mean screaming) the whole way to Seattle that he fell asleep in the Seattle Children's shuttle.  His snooze was short-lived, however, because we arrived at the hospital 15 minutes later when I woke him up again (*cringe*) and we checked in for our appointment.  Grayson screamed for another 30 minutes while we waited for the doctors.  He was so ridiculously upset, I was sure someone would walk in to see if we had been attacked by a T-Rex, but I guess a hysterical baby in a children's hospital really isn't anything but a soundtrack ;)

Grayson's appointment went well, and he's totally on track with his healing except he clearly had a fever again by this point.  And there was a spot on his incision that had been getting redder over the last couple of days.  By this afternoon, the redness had picked up like wildfire and spread to a large area around his incision and down around his ear.  It also became noticeably shiny, swollen and inflamed.  The surgeons thought it could be an infection (and it could explain the fever) which would not be a happy circumstance.  The appointment with the doctors was good timing in that respect.  The good news is, they prescribed him some Keflex.  The bad news is, they prescribed him some Keflex.  It's super powerful medicine, but has a tendency to make people queasy.  I'm pretty sure Grayson threw up whatever he ate for the last 3 days tonight.  It was totally gross, but also kind of impressive.  Somehow he even got it in his hair.  And ours.  Poor baby.  We'll try again tonight.

Grayson went to bed early but woke up two hours later.  After I rocked him back to sleep, I came out into the living room and noticed I had blood all over my shoulder. His stitches are bleeding.  Seriously?  What is going on?  We're keeping a very close eye on him.  What a Monday.  I suppose it wasn't all bad.  Grayson took a long cozy nap on our flight home this afternoon.  And someone helped me re-pack my diaper bag when the plane landed, after also giving me their aisle seat.  At that point, I couldn't help but think of my favorite line from Joe Versus The Volcano... "May you live to be 1000 years old sir."

Time for bed... I feel like it may be a long night.

Grayson has been home for one week now, and he's doing so great.  Our biggest complaint is that he's feeling so well, he doesn't know he's supposed to be taking it easy!  We're hovering over him like overprotective helicopters, following his every move as he gets used to the new size of his head.

His swelling has gone down a bit, and his bruising has gone up, but he's finally off the pain medicine today.  I think he was enjoying the extra tylenol for a couple of reasons - we think he's getting his incisors.  No front teeth in sight yet, but his CT scan confirmed that a few other teeth might be pretty imminent.

Today is also his last day of Bacitracin ointment.  Woo hoo!  Although my chin, neck, and face are truly very moisturized and soft from him snuggling his gooey little head into me every night, I think we are all excited to be done with that stuff.  Poor Grayson.  He looks like a baby bird in an oil spill.  I wish I could wash his head with Dawn so he could stop looking like Ponyboy from The Outsiders, but I hear that in a few days his hair will finally start rejecting the shampoo and he'll be back to normal.

Grayson is enjoying all the love, support, and of course presents that people have so generously and thoughtfully sent!  The first thing he does when he gets a new toy is to snuggle it.  The second thing he does is bite it.  Boys.  He went absolutely off the deep end when he got his new car this weekend from Grandma Kitty.  Such a happy kid.  And already breaking the law.  "Hello, Grandma?  I'm driving!  Can I have a banana?"