They told us that Grayson's surgery will take approximately 5-6 hours. The neurosurgeon will remove his forehead bones down to the dura, and then the craniofacial surgeon will mold it and reshape it. Both surgeons will remove the top of the orbital bones together. The craniofacial surgeon fills in the new soft spots he creates with a thin layer of harvested bone from other parts of his skull. New bone should eventually grow in during the next few years to completely fill in the holes (if not, he'll need another surgery when he's 3 or 4 years old but that's not likely). The plates and screws they use will dissolve in about 9 months, but Grayson will always have thin wires by his eyes and above his nose which will eventually be enveloped by bone (the doctor assured me he won't be setting off any metal detectors). He'll likely need a transfusion during surgery, and Josh and I can't supply enough blood and plasma for him so he'll use the blood bank. The good news is, that despite what we've heard, his new head will be very strong. He'll be cleared for "rough and tumble" play in no time, and as long as everything heals like it should, he can lead a very normal life and even play contact sports when he's older.
The doctors relayed all the required complications to us - coma, catastrophic blood loss, death. But in reality, one of the hardest things to hear was the realization that by Friday, my baby's appearance will be change dramatically. The craniofacial surgeon told us that he will build out (overcorrect) Grayson's forehead about 10-15% larger than it should be, so that 1) he doesn't revert back right away, and 2) he has room to grow. He told us to prepare for a baby with a very strong brow line for awhile, "like Arnold Schwarzeneger brows" (I'd prefer he said Robert Baker or something - the one from Gray's Anatomy - much easier to swallow). The social worker brought it up too, and warned us that there's actually a grieving process for the "old baby" for a couple days, and that it's completely normal. We've already fallen in love with him as he is, and so I know this to be true. I love Grayson's face. I could stare at his little head all day, and sometimes I try. I rub his forehead as he goes to sleep, and so I know every inch of his face by touch. I sometimes look at other "normal" kids and think they have enormous heads! I don't want them to change his face. I think he's perfect. When I imagined that I only have 3 more days with this beautiful baby that I know, I cried and cried. Now that I've prepared for this part of it all, I'm okay. I know it's still my baby. I know I'll see him smile, or look into those amazing brown/green/blue eyes and I'll fall in love all over again. And it feels vain and wrong to be sad or disappointed, because my baby boy will always be beautiful no matter what.
When Grayson was born, I had bonded with the idea of him in my belly, but had never seen his face. It was a strange sensation to meet this stranger that I already loved immeasurably. I knew he was mine and would go to the ends of the earth to protect him. I know I will love G-man's new face too. Even if he does look a little like Robert Baker for awhile.
